| ( silent ABYSS of despair ) ( version 03 ) beyond the invisible |
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[10 Jul 2009|03:09pm] |
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busy, going to zamość, can't answer all mails/comments, only after i get back x__X
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| [NO WHINY UKES.] |
[09 Jul 2009|09:30am] |
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mood |
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was browsing through my stuff on HD and found two ranma 1/2 movies. clicked on them and... then i spent two days uselessly re-reading the whole manga, 38 volumes. now i'm trying my best to not look for DVD with ovas (freshly made nails help a lot, lol.). i love ranma, it's one of my first three anime obsessions (other two being tenchi muyo! and neon genesis evangelion). i remember fangirling over ranma and akane and their clumsiness and awkwardness. gosh, i miss such pure feelings. ranma is made of win, i love ALL characters but shampoo and can read/watch it over and over again. and i DON'T slash there anyone what's more i don't WANT TO see gays there. yeah i have series like that (like fairy tail). booo, i want to see akane and ranma kiss for real :<
some rl news: my mother who started to drink again and lost her job AGAIN, after a week of being a bitch and making us, again, give up on her, came to grandma asking for help. they went to psychiatrist today and she's going to some kind of institution dealing with alcoholics and people with mental problems. she'll be gone for 6 weeks so i'm going to see her off tomorrow, as the last time i went there i found her dead drunk and bitched usual stuff. where do we get patience, i wander, must be in blood. so my jazz festival in zamość will begin day earlier. I WISH I HAD LAPTOP, OMG, WHAT WILL I DO THERE WITHOUT MOM FOR FOUR DAYS. if i had one i'd watch anime, tRanslate... guess i'll read, eat and watch tv, lol.
also, very important statement: NO MORE WHINY UKES WHO LOOK LIKE GIRLS IN DISGUISE. UKES SHALL BE MANLY, STRONG-WILLED, SEXY AND ABLE TO SWITCH TO SEME-POSITION IN BED/LIFE ANYTIME. NO MORE CRYING HAMSTERS LIKE OKANE GA NAI. seriously, i'm tired of OBVIOUS pairings. i'm tired of canon. i'm tired of ukes who at first glance are ukes, dunno, genetically made maybe. i want something refreshing, i want the thrill of wonder who'll make the first move, who'll top, who'll win. i want them BOTH to be strong, manly. similar, reversible. like, there's this yonezou's manga elektel delusion which doesn't really give us an answer straight away who's uke and who's seme. i voted for blonde to be uke, i've seen now, i know now i say nothing because of spoilers. but it's AWESOME (where is otodama, btw, yonezou, HA?!). same with yonezou's michiru heya, i REALLY hope smaller guy is/will be the uke. i don't want it the typical way. or new jaryuu dokuro ♥♥♥ butterfly baby, i dunno, i hope for blonde to be SEME *crosses fingers* know nishida higashi? she's awesome too. OR, there's that ongoing (?) kyuugou's (<3333333)acid town which has.. *gasms* in the background two yakuza (?) men which, well, are clearly uke-seme but they're both STRONG, MANLY, SEXY, to break them, top them, make them... you know what, oh. OH. i can probably go on and on but i want smth like that. like, STUPID crimson spell, if only yamane had guts to go against her stupid editors/against fangirls/vere just braver to make main pair switch roles, i'd say yamane is great. so far ayamane is typical. i push away the thought about viewfinder from me. it's... a total failure. kiss in the sunset? what next? titanic? asami on his knees with a rose in his mouth? i wouldn't be surprised now, i wouldn't...
wow, what a yaoi brag.
i want to play ro yet recently i don't, wow?
pssss, i feel like smoking.
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| [babe, did you forget to take your meds?] |
[05 Jul 2009|11:31pm] |
i spent the whole day being buy but did nothing. WTF? i only translated like 20 questions. i need to.. i dunno. DUNNO XD
so i'm free from doctors, examinations, lublin, etc till the half of july. then i need to call my new doctor, i'll have second MRI (because i have some actively spreading damages in brain and they need to know if they stop, spread more or if there's another places with it. it feels funny to sit and write that my brain is damaged, LOL.). i'll have to lie in the hospital for a few days too in order to get my cerebrospinal fluid checked. since it's painful (?) i'll have to stay there. in spsk4, lublin. i'm becoming familiar with that place, hohooo. so generally: still waiting for final diagnose, doing examinations to prove SM, trying to get into some program and nothing else.
1. can't work because my hands aren't as stable as they used to, same for legs. besides i never know when i'l have to got to doctor/hospy/etc so no work for me. just translating.
2. can't go out because it's FUCKING hot. and, as i've learnt, sun makes SM stronger. so it's me hating the sun and no sun because of my health. no complaints here.
3. no alcohol for me. because i'm losing my balance.
4. today i felt better SM-wise \o
5. my right knee is showing me that it's a bitch. hurts so much in the mornings i can't move my leg. i guess, between taking care of SM, i'll force myself on some doctor and REQUEST an operation. how can i wear short skirts when all i can do is to BEND and show my PANTS? oz.
6. mom started to drink again. went to zamość yesterday and found her dead drunk. knew it, she didn't pick up my phone/answer my mails. it's pissing me off because i WORRY. i cannot NOT worry. she lost her job too. where will she get money from? what about rent? food? grandma... omg, i feel so sorry for grandma, she's old, sick and her daughter is fucked up. she says she'll kick her out next time she comes but we all know she won't - fucking blood ties are FUCKING. i really wish i couldn't just act like my mother is not my mother. i want to cut all my ties with her. i wish she'd go somewhere and live happily and leave us, her family, alone. because we worry, it's biological nd it kills us slowly.
7. linked to the problem above is... money. second idiot: my father. he's so carefree and jazz and his disability pension is ending yet he hasn't been to hospital, doctors, anything. they WON'T renew it. where will w get money for living? bats me. i can't work, he can't work, my mother is a lost cause, my grandma #1 is sick, she barely remembers anything, my grandmother #2 is sick with problems and hear health, she has to cover living expenses... i don't know, i just don't know. and my treatment, medicine... it costs. and i'll never be cured. it'll always cost. I JUST DON'T KNOW.
i have some pictures to post but... tomorrow. and tomorrow and day after we're waterless. IN THIS HEAT. seriously, god is playing with me. if he's as mean as i think he'll do everything so that i won't go to jazz festival in zamość next week. and i was looking forward to go alone, sit alone, listen to the music, just enjoy. and emo. EMOOOO.
( meme stolen from siguś )
ps. I'M A THRID YEARS STUDENT NOW. OFICIALLY. YES. YESSSSSSSS.
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| [my health ramblings.] |
[27 Jun 2009|08:50am] |
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mood |
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peanuts are evil.
went to the doctor yesterday and it deserves a note of its own as the doctor is... a rare kind of one that CARES. he called me today to say he managed to set up smth for me and maybe i'll get free medicine. he's expensive, 170pln per visit, but it looks like he's worth ll of it. anyway, the story will come later.
going to zamość to visit mom and grandparents. not like i really want because all i do there is watch tv/read/eat/get bored but hell, i have to, i guess. would love to take a stroll in the park but walking isn't all that nice now, my knees are turning against me and this losing balance thing is annoying. someday i'll simply trip.
coming back from zamość and preparing to go to lublin for something the awesome doctor managed to get me (dunno what it is, lol), then coming back to chelm, rushing to my neurologist and killing everyone in queue cuz i NEED the paper, then going to lublin for more examinations, then going to awesome doctor with results and then i guess nothing or more examinations. next visit is set up only in september. thanks god i'm free from school so i can take care of myself. i need to heal my hand before october 'cuz writing is becoming difficult/slow and studies = writing. DARN.
also, awesome doctor said it's TOO EARLY TO CALL IT SM. so i guess there's hope? but whatever it is there are symptoms, i feel them and they prevent me from going out even more; it's not comfortable being all stiff. hopefully new medicine will help. moar colourful tablets <3
MY STUPID CAT BROKE OUR TOMATOES AND I TOLD DAD TO MOVE THEM UP BECAUSE ONE BRANCH WAS ALMOST LYING ON THE FLOOR, GRAH, IT WAS THE ONE WITH MOST TOMATOES ON T___T yes, we grow vegetables on our balcony. though now all we have left is tomatoes, cauliflower and peppers, rest eaten 8D
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[24 Jun 2009|04:38pm] |
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mood |
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Kate Bush - Deeper Understanding |
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1; today i've learnt what NEET stands for. it's not an entirely fruitless day \o
2; translations, how much should i ask for? i haven't checked beforehand and yesterday my student... paid me 100 PLN. i thought we'd fight, lol. first: i did like three pages A4; second: i know NOTHING about aviation and i possess no knowledge related to the topic - it's 90% improvisation; third: it's just a loose translation because of the mentioned lack of vocabulary, i wouldn't show it to anyone. yet he paid me TOO MUCH. and wouldn't listen. i get it that he's rich and all but i felt stupid. gaaah, how much should i take for one page A4 but bad translation (we agreed i should just translate it so that he'll get it, no reason to waste time on polishing syntax, etc)? duh. I feel tricked XD
3; i was thinking and i've realised that i see my mom once per 2-3 months. wow. and... it doesn't seem bad or anything, soon i'll also see my dad as often. but suddenly i felt sorry for mom. dunno why.
4; internet friendships are worse than irl. i don't know why but when a friend or pal from internet disappears it hurts more than when the same happens in reality. over past 7-8 years i've had many closer and not internet pals, many whom i lost, who quit, poofed, etc. and from time to time i wonder: where are they? what do they do? to they still this or that? how their life went on? i'l never have any answers. of most of them i didn't know even real names. when you go offline/change virtual environment it's like you don't exist anymore. it's painful. bt i don't feel like that with my real life friends. what is ecla doing? fro? and many more. i wonder. siguś (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) perfectassassin) do you remember the anime forum where we met online? the old one, what was its name...?
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[24 Jun 2009|01:04am] |
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mood |
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 gloomy |
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i've always been jealous for my friends: they have pals to hang out with, they love and are loved, they're liked and not as screwed up as me. but at the same time i've always truly wished for them to be happy, i wanted them to find happiness, it was sincere feeling. somewhere, under all jealousy, i felt that they should be at least the only ones to be successful. so... why aren't they? why do we ALL mess up?
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| [update to myself on myself.] |
[19 Jun 2009|09:48am] |
I NEED TO CHANGE THIS GODDAMNED LAYOUT BUT JESUS WHEN I NEED TO LEVEL AND TRANSLATE AND BE LAZY WHAT TO DOOOO
so i probably finished my 2nd year at university. probably because i'm waiting for one exam's results. but sice i'm trying to be positive i'm calling myself a THIRD YEAR STUDENT. third = last. well, last for bachelor's degree and master is something totally different, it's too early to think about it. when did it all pass? it seems like it was yesterday when i was standing in front of the classroom, surrounded by the people whom i didn't know. and now i'm just 2 steps from graduating. after summer's over i'll be deciding on my promoter, thesis topic... and before i blink it'll be the time for defending and deciding what next. work and evening master studies or normal, daily studies and no work? i wish i could take both options. we'll see, we'll see. the closer my real "adult" life the more conscious about time i become. and i don't like it.
not going anywhere this summer, i'm too unsure about my health. and besides, i cut off contacts with everyone. both me and them were tired by the fruitless efforts. it's not the end of the world, i'll restart sometime. it's just that with SM my life took a change to which i wasn't prepared. the kind of friends i've got, image of free time i had, everything is gone and needs to be restarted. no parties, no wildness. at least until i sort out what's wrong with me and how far i can go with anything. just a week more and i'll go to see the doc and, HOPEFULLY, will know more. my parents want to go with me. can they understand that they'd be nothing but annoyance? sorry, i don't feel close with you, sorry.
good thing: I QUIT SMOKING. good for my health bad for my tastes since i find smoking absolutely cool and sexy. whatever. it LOOKS cool but it SMELLS horrible and leaves DISGUSTING aftertaste. but i'm all about looks so i want to smoke. but cannot - i tried, got some strong anti-reaction. it was so easy. TOO easy. just like that and i stopped. wow?
ro, ro, roooooo. oh, siguś (perfectassassin), i THANK YOU and CURSE YOU. it's awesome. but, noone should begin as a swordsman class, there are a lot of cheaper, easier and less frustrating out there. gaaah, i dunno WHAT to do with my LK, how on earth ppl hit 14k??? grrr.
( Ragnarok Online is a VERY SERIOUS disease: picspasm - HEAVY )
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[14 Jun 2009|08:39pm] |
PNJ. buahahahahahahahahaha.
ro or nothing for me these days. just feeling so unwell.
:<
one week more and i shall be reborn.
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| [?] |
[04 Jun 2009|06:07am] |
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* so, liek, i'm WTFing at myself (WTFing... english is such a wonderful language <3<3). i think i'll WTF the whole summer.
* when talking to someone i'v known for sooo looog i'm awkward. how stupid can i get?
* ps. i'm gonna go and whore myself in order to have money for japanese yaoi magazines forgetting the fact that i have no idea where to be a whore. i now what they do but... should i sign up somewhere? how? *dork* i'm in pains because i WANT mangas' serialisations NOW but they're only available in mags and mags are so hard to get. so i'm gonna do it! buahahahaha, fear me, you lustful men *idiot*
* can't stop playing RO. CAN'T. is there anyone, besides me, who shipped random players? i found gays. i swear they are. THEY MUST BE.
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| [emo.] |
[29 May 2009|08:21pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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Guano Apes - Maria |
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I realised I have no friends close to me to talk to or to hang out with or those I want to hang out with. No one I could call really mine. It's freaking lonely. And it's most likely mostly my fault.
i almost copied it from someone and that someone should know. i'm sorry, i probably shouldn't but it's just what i thought 30 minutes before reading your entry. it's like you wrote what i was thinking so i let myself copy it.
it's my and their fault. i didn't stop them when they became uninterested in me and i didn't stop myself from running away. what's worse i'm unable to start anything. i'm scared, scared. i get something big in my throat, i'm frozen and i just feel like no one wants me so i shouldn't push myself on anyone. in real life, internet life. there's probably just one person who hasn't given up on me yet. lately i thought i started something again, in my awkward, ambiguous way but... i guess it was one-sided. or my signals are even smaller than i thought. at home, at home, at home. no money, no possibilities, nothing.
i'm alone and i will be until someone captures me. or until i learn how to show other people that i care.
but they don't care about me. just trivial talks. whatever i do it doesn't change.
fuck it. whatever. maybe it's damn better that i have SM. will have excuse to be shut up at home.
world, go and fuck yourself if you find joy in creating useless people like me, always unable to change.
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| [RO.] |
[24 May 2009|09:41am] |
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unable to do anything but play RO. this game is... bad. VERY BAD.
*goes to level on wolves*
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| [noWILLstate.] |
[19 May 2009|12:16am] |
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music |
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Moonspell - Opium |
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i broke down, after 16 days. well, i haven't smoked and i hope i won't give in even to... just one. one per 16 days, why not. no, i can't. i've had no problems till now, what happened? FUCK IT. it makes me cry. and it's not even smoking per se but the future restrictions. fucking SM.
my stupidity has always told me that smoking is cool, it fits strong people and it's fucking sexy. well, it is. no, it LOOKS sexy. i want to smoke.
*breakdown*
putting smoking aside, why the fuck should i care about anything? cutting food and losing weight? what for? for computer? trying to keep fit but why? i'm a wreck anyway. i just... i'm not sure. shhh, SHH myself, just SHHH.
...and i wanted to write a happy note about some random shit. guess that's tomorrow.
p.s. i AM downloading eRO \o
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| [books.] |
[17 May 2009|10:05am] |
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being sick to death with rewriting and going over literature notes (wtf, previous semester took like, four A4 pages, now i have eight and i'm still NOT finished), whatever. i think i'll just fail monday's german culture test and take it in september. hey, i need to have at least one serious retake, lol. my "smart student" image is slowly getting to me. so, shut up ambition, remember you're LAZY.
as for literature... i love it. i was worried that studying english would cut me off from literature but hell, it's the opposite. i'm lucky enough to be "forced" to read british literature ♥ it's just like back at junior high and high school: i HAD to read some books and i'm glad i did. normally i wouldn't even touch them and now that i know how great they are it'd be a pity. "high" literature is high. i want to be forced more. need not to worry, i have no friends and no life so i can indulge myself in books the whole summer.
BOOKS I LIKED DURING THIS SEMESTER (i think all, lol):
1. great expectations, charles dickens - i can't remember if i had read any of his book before this one but i'm definitely trying it out. it was nice. the style wasn't so hard, neither the language (though later books are easier), i liked pip's struggle and my growing hatred for him. nice portrait of society and importance of "classes".
2. wuthering heights, emily bronte - absolute love!!!!! omg, it was fantastic. everything i like the most: gothic convection, madness, toxic love, betrayal mixed with happiness, lies, despair... it's WONDERFUL.
3. tess of d'urbervilles, thomas hardy - well... i don't really know. i couldn't stop reading but yet it was pissing me off. tess... well, main heroine deserved EVERYTHING since she was so stupid... ARGH. i know, convention of times but still, she had different women around her. so what if whores. so tess is awful ut the book itself is really nice. kind of like ancient tragedy in prose. and whatever, i liked alex~
4. the portrait of dorian grey, oscar wilde - AHH! one of the motif for it is "homoerotic male relationships" so go figure XD but really, there's nothing but tons of suggestive suggestions (hanged only when the book was published, in magazine installments wilde had even that removed...). and a really wonderful story. DECADENCE!!! HEDONISM!!! completely art for beauty and lack of morality. too bad i felt sorry for basil and couldn't enjoy it THAT much but lord henry, oh lord henry... you're like goethe's mephistopheles! like milton's lucifer! you're the embodiment of seductive evil. MUST READ.
5. brave new world, aldous huxley - i barely remember to eat while reading it. it sucked me up. wo would have thought that i'd meet one of my fav genres on obligatory reading list? it's dystopia, one hell of great dystopia. has everything; "utopian" world, characters against it and two perspectives. awesome, the ending is hard to judge too, characters are ambiguous and, how scary, during our lessons i couldn't answer the question "so what is worse: lack of freedom but happiness or freedom and pain?". somehow, after this book and mustafa's arguments... it wasn't that obvious anymore. wilde was right, art has very dangerous influence on us...
i want to read MORE. i'm going to gather reading list for summer... any suggestions?
/doesn't really proofread note and crashes
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| [@#$@#!] |
[15 May 2009|11:54am] |
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szlag mnie zaraz trafi. jak się powinno mówić:
brudasy byli czy brudasy były?
grubasy byli czy grubasy były?
czy tak i tak? mnie "byli" STRASZNIE drażni, ojciec mówi, że "te brudasy byli" jest poprawne, bo wiemy, czy to dwójka męska, czy damska, na pytanie, co jak nie wie, nie odpowiada... nie wiem gdzie tego szukać, nie znam żadnych polonistów i idę spać zła, bardzo zła.
i podobno mam też obsesję na punkcie języka polskiego, bo zbiera mnie na wymioty przy "poszłem", "otwarłem", itp.
geez.
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| [lol pr0n] |
[11 May 2009|11:47pm] |
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i decided i want to watch... hetero porn. redtube <3 XD but... buahahahahaha. half of the time i was criticising the "ladies" there, half getting bored, and laughing. then, i wanted to check out hentai (you need to experience everything!) and.... IF I'M EVER DOWN AND SAD I SHALL WATCH HENTAI. so funny. dubbed in english = hilarious. and... the guy's thing was.... brown and wrinkled. WTF???? i cried *rolls around* no p0rn does what... porn should do? for me, it makes me die from laughter.
as for gay porn... it's a) boring b) boring c) BORING. there's just no emotions! lol. i'm still looking for some good porn, het or gay. i believe it exists!!! .....somewhere.
no, i have no idea what i'll have from it but... i'm just stubborn, i'll find it. unless i collapse from laughing XD
lol, porn post.
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| [life is unfair.] |
[08 May 2009|06:13pm] |
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looks like it IS SM. and SM cannot be cured and sooner or later those with it become handicapped.
handicapped.
fuck it all. just fuck it all.
edit: i'm going to 3rd neurologist and then to SM specialist. i just... can't believe it. so for now, i'm not thinking.
edit2: it is SM. G35. how will i tell my mom? and, in future, will we afford everything connected to it.
fuck you, world.
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[07 May 2009|11:28pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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Late Bush - Babooshka |
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...
i... want to socialise more. i want to try and talk with people through internet. with my uni friends i gave up, i'll never lick anyone's ass for attention. but.. i want to break the shield and try some forums, gg, msn, skype... but... i find it extremely difficult for some reason.
edit: i'm... so fucking egoistical. my friend was faced with great tragedy but all i can think about is that i won't talk with her for some time. i'm.. so uncaring. and with that i realised she's the only friend i kept close, all other i cowardly let go. so without her to talk to i don't have/am too afraid to talk to anyone else. days filled with silence.
edit 2: not so long ago i was saying that i don't believe in platonic love without physical attraction. well, i still don't. but then, what it is when i care for someone so deeply that i cry, laugh, miss, want to talk with that person? but i don't want their body, touch, kisses, embrace. i'm shaken up when we're out of touch for long, i think about them often. is that... love? but when i think "i love X" i feel disgusted. so what it is, really. what it is.
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| [i don't know why but i feel sexy, lol.] |
[05 May 2009|11:05am] |
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music |
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Barlow Girl - Average Girl |
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to dziwne uczucie; siedzieć na krześle przed komputerem, rozmawiać, oglądać i wiedzieć, że ma się zmiany w mózgu. nie mogę przestać o tym myśleć i wyolbrzymiać, mózg to trochę pojęcie... dalekie. jednocześnie świadomość odpowiedzialności mózgu za wszystko. i te "zmiany" w tym odpowiedzialnym "czymś". dziwne, dziwne. za jakieś dwa tygodnie mi przejdzie ale teraz jest drugi dzień i łapię się na tym, że myślę o swojej głowie i tym, co się tam robi. i ciągle czytam opis MRI.
ok, przeszło mi XD
what's been lost. what's been found. what belongs to me.
this is the quote from one of my fav yaoi manga... thoughts by haruomi. about tien li and kiichi. yes, "love mode". i... just couldn't, for past year, let go of these phrases. they're stuck in my head. three simple sentences but how much of meaning they hold.
ps. siguś, do you have EVERYTHING of tenipuri manga scanlated? not shin tenipuri. the old one. cuz i miss some chapters _-_
basara may be so damn stupid i laugh through 80% of each episode but it's SO DROOLWORTHY. and damn, yukimura's a lot SEMier than masamune! buahahahaha. I WANT YUKIMURA TO TOP MASAMUNE HERE RIGHT NAO. RAWR!
it's one of my latest music obsessions. it's... christian rock but damn, the whole album is kickass and this particular song is just fucking awesome <333
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| [good but bad.] |
[30 Apr 2009|10:45pm] |
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music |
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Kokia - KARMA |
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NEVER, NEVER READ MEDICAL STUFF WHEN YOUR DIAGNOSE WAS UNCLEAR AND NOT SO GOOD. i read too much and now i'm so fucking scared. and i made my dad scared. damn. never, never read.
loneliness. too much of everything and there's loneliness. in "brave new world" there was a sentence: if you're different then you're alone. yeah.
so, today i was finally gives the results of my head's MRI and neurologist's opinion. well... it's not a cancer, tumor or anything of sorts. but it's not 'nothing' either. i have demyelinating disease which comes who knows where and can cause who knows what. i have the appointment with better neurologist at 25th june so i guess he'll tell me more. my doc said not to be worried, to be careful, to not catch flu/cold, etc.i read the report from MRI and there's nothing about causes, nothing really what it does/can do. geez. i read by myself and now i'm paranoid, feeling like my brain is slowly dying. but i guess it's not the case. and i finally have the answer to my constant moving/feeling/concentrating issues.
i'm not happy yet i'm glad it's smth light enough that i don't have to be hospitalised. today i realised how scared of a cancer i was. how fucking scared.
* i've tried to go on the balcony through the window in my room. i felt rebellious XD
* i'm losing weight, i'm happy! i decided to stop second hand shops hunt again. i'll collect what i've bought recently and take photos <3
TMI:
there are more and less enterprising people. i belong to the latter. i can't find my way, my place, do anything by myself. i need to be told, pointed and shown the way. i have many friends who went here, there, got this deal, that deal, managed to advance, sign up, etc, etc. i... nothing. i don't know where to look for opportunities and i have no idea where to find some directions as to where i should look for opportunities and... vicious cycle. so i sit on my ass, do nothing and just want. i don't know what i lack, some time ago i was the total opposite; always busy, doing million things. now... nothing. maybe the part of my brain responsible for this has already died *awful sarcasm*
/TMI.
btw, THE SONG I'M LISTENING TO!!!!!
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| [lol] |
[25 Apr 2009|11:42pm] |
lol, twitter, like, make LJ look boring and troublesome. long notes and all. oh well.
time is running too fast for my taste. i can't catch up.
edit: AWESOMENESS! i got totally pwned.
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