[24 Jun 2009|01:04am] [ mood | gloomy ] i've always been jealous for my friends: they have pals to hang out with, they love and are loved, they're liked and not as screwed up as me. but at the same time i've always truly wished for them to be happy, i wanted them to find happiness, it was sincere feeling. somewhere, under all jealousy, i felt that they should be at least the only ones to be successful. so... why aren't they? why do we ALL mess up? 5 comments|post comment

[24 Jun 2009|04:38pm] [ mood | sympathetic ] [ music | Kate Bush - Deeper Understanding ] 1; today i've learnt what NEET stands for. it's not an entirely fruitless day \o 2; translations, how much should i ask for? i haven't checked beforehand and yesterday my student... paid me 100 PLN. i thought we'd fight, lol. first: i did like three pages A4; second: i know NOTHING about aviation and i possess no knowledge related to the topic - it's 90% improvisation; third: it's just a loose translation because of the mentioned lack of vocabulary, i wouldn't show it to anyone. yet he paid me TOO MUCH. and wouldn't listen. i get it that he's rich and all but i felt stupid. gaaah, how much should i take for one page A4 but bad translation (we agreed i should just translate it so that he'll get it, no reason to waste time on polishing syntax, etc)? duh. I feel tricked XD 3; i was thinking and i've realised that i see my mom once per 2-3 months. wow. and... it doesn't seem bad or anything, soon i'll also see my dad as often. but suddenly i felt sorry for mom. dunno why. 4; internet friendships are worse than irl. i don't know why but when a friend or pal from internet disappears it hurts more than when the same happens in reality. over past 7-8 years i've had many closer and not internet pals, many whom i lost, who quit, poofed, etc. and from time to time i wonder: where are they? what do they do? to they still this or that? how their life went on? i'l never have any answers. of most of them i didn't know even real names. when you go offline/change virtual environment it's like you don't exist anymore. it's painful. bt i don't feel like that with my real life friends. what is ecla doing? fro? and many more. i wonder. siguś (perfectassassin) do you remember the anime forum where we met online? the old one, what was its name...? 10 comments|post comment

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