Elenuvien Firelle ([info]firelle) wrote,
@ 2009-04-30 22:45:00
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Current mood: worried
Current music:Kokia - KARMA
Entry tags:body, health, mind, stupid

[good but bad.]
NEVER, NEVER READ MEDICAL STUFF WHEN YOUR DIAGNOSE WAS UNCLEAR AND NOT SO GOOD. i read too much and now i'm so fucking scared. and i made my dad scared. damn. never, never read.

loneliness. too much of everything and there's loneliness. in "brave new world" there was a sentence: if you're different then you're alone. yeah.

so, today i was finally gives the results of my head's MRI and neurologist's opinion. well... it's not a cancer, tumor or anything of sorts. but it's not 'nothing' either. i have demyelinating disease which comes who knows where and can cause who knows what. i have the appointment with better neurologist at 25th june so i guess he'll tell me more. my doc said not to be worried, to be careful, to not catch flu/cold, etc.i read the report from MRI and there's nothing about causes, nothing really what it does/can do. geez. i read by myself and now i'm paranoid, feeling like my brain is slowly dying. but i guess it's not the case. and i finally have the answer to my constant moving/feeling/concentrating issues.

i'm not happy yet i'm glad it's smth light enough that i don't have to be hospitalised. today i realised how scared of a cancer i was. how fucking scared.

* i've tried to go on the balcony through the window in my room. i felt rebellious XD
* i'm losing weight, i'm happy! i decided to stop second hand shops hunt again. i'll collect what i've bought recently and take photos <3

TMI:
there are more and less enterprising people. i belong to the latter. i can't find my way, my place, do anything by myself. i need to be told, pointed and shown the way. i have many friends who went here, there, got this deal, that deal, managed to advance, sign up, etc, etc. i... nothing. i don't know where to look for opportunities and i have no idea where to find some directions as to where i should look for opportunities and... vicious cycle. so i sit on my ass, do nothing and just want. i don't know what i lack, some time ago i was the total opposite; always busy, doing million things. now... nothing. maybe the part of my brain responsible for this has already died *awful sarcasm*
/TMI.


btw, THE SONG I'M LISTENING TO!!!!!


(8 comments) - (Post a new comment)


[info]baka_oni_ri
2009-04-30 07:53 pm UTC (link)
DDD: oh noes!
but which DD? SM? *huuugs*

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]firelle
2009-04-30 08:24 pm UTC (link)
oh god i hope not :/

i don't think so, otherwise my doc would say so? well, she doesn't know, she just said it's that and told me to go to someone more specialised. i feel absolutely fine so i'm positive. actually, i'm trying not to think ^^;

i forgot you're a pro in this XD btw, what specialisation are you? :3

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

[info]baka_oni_ri
2009-05-01 12:38 pm UTC (link)
so I will keep my fingers crossed :3

none yet xD for specialisation I will go when I finish a year of intern practices XD But I will shoot for paediatrics or gynaecology :3

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

[info]firelle
2009-05-02 08:30 am UTC (link)
me too :3

gynecology? XD but women don't like women to be one XD go for urology! _^_ and i assume you like kids? :3

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

[info]baka_oni_ri
2009-05-02 11:35 am UTC (link)
no I dont XDDDDDDD but pediatricians are paid more XD
joke. srsly, in hospital you look at kids in different way. you want to cuddle them and help them. I just hate spoiled kids that scream on streets and in shops and their mothers can't do a thing about them 'cause they spoiled them too much.

(Reply to this) (Parent)(Thread)

[info]firelle
2009-05-03 08:34 am UTC (link)
well, "paid more" is a great reason! XD

hm, really, probably you're right. i always feel awkward with children, especially the really young ones; i never know how to act, what to do, what to say x__X i like kids but in my imagination XD

(Reply to this) (Parent)

[info]yagami_miya
2009-05-01 07:33 pm UTC (link)
Bosh, przeczytałam toto na wikipedii, faktycznie, wiele z tego nie wynika _^_ Mam nadzieję, że ten lepszy neurolog faktycznie będzie lepszy.

Rób zdjęcia, rób i pokaż, o!

P.S. KARMA~~~<333

(Reply to this) (Thread)

[info]firelle
2009-05-02 08:31 am UTC (link)
dokładnie, wynika wszystko i nic _^_ ale z lekarzami to tak bywa, że magia jest niedostępna nawet dla nich (a szkoda XD)

p.s. prawda??????? nie mogę się od niej odczepić, ciągle słucham <3

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(8 comments) - (Post a new comment)

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