Elenuvien Firelle ([info]firelle) wrote,
@ 2009-05-07 23:28:00
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Current mood: sad
Current music:Late Bush - Babooshka
Entry tags:emo, friends

[...]
...
i... want to socialise more. i want to try and talk with people through internet. with my uni friends i gave up, i'll never lick anyone's ass for attention. but.. i want to break the shield and try some forums, gg, msn, skype... but... i find it extremely difficult for some reason.

edit: i'm... so fucking egoistical. my friend was faced with great tragedy but all i can think about is that i won't talk with her for some time. i'm.. so uncaring. and with that i realised she's the only friend i kept close, all other i cowardly let go. so without her to talk to i don't have/am too afraid to talk to anyone else. days filled with silence.

edit 2: not so long ago i was saying that i don't believe in platonic love without physical attraction. well, i still don't. but then, what it is when i care for someone so deeply that i cry, laugh, miss, want to talk with that person? but i don't want their body, touch, kisses, embrace. i'm shaken up when we're out of touch for long, i think about them often. is that... love? but when i think "i love X" i feel disgusted. so what it is, really. what it is.


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[info]baka_oni_ri
2009-05-08 07:25 am UTC (link)
oh, we do have a lot in common v_v

it's often like that. usually ppl are egoistical and in some philosophies they say that if someone is loving, caring, does a lot of good, unconsciously he/she does that to feel better for their own egoistical reasons and to draw attention.
Anyways. It's ok to say "I'm sorry" and then feel sad 'cause you won't be able to talk.

I do believe. But that's because I'm pretty asexual and a thought of physical relationship fills me with dread XD I just don't like it and wonder why ppl can't just "be together" while all the guys want "bed" all the time.
But there are different kinds of love too, right?

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[info]firelle
2009-05-08 07:54 am UTC (link)
that's great but... sad :( i wish we had a lot in common in... having great real life? >.>;

yeah, true. in the end we're always egoistical. even if i publicly admit the fact that i did something for myself, that action too is for myself, so that i could feel better by being brave and honest.
:(

oh, i'm pretty much very.. physical oriented person (though i freak out every now and then) but that depends on the person. and, contrary to everything in me, i think i love in a platonic way. what's even funnier is that i've probably been in love for long and only now i realise it. and i'll never admit it 'cuz... just no. and i make fun of ukes... XD
yup :3

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[info]baka_oni_ri
2009-05-08 08:57 am UTC (link)
yeah... so we share a common thought too xD;

exactly. tbh that philosophy classes when the teacher told us about it destroyed my life.

admitting is the worst part. you could always get dumped and hurt (I got dumped two days ago xD)

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[info]firelle
2009-05-08 04:28 pm UTC (link)
awww, don't worry <3 there'll be another one~ well i'll never confess, she's straight and doesn't see me as anything more that a very important friend. i don't want to lose what i have right now.

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[info]baka_oni_ri
2009-05-08 05:42 pm UTC (link)
like a manga scenario T_T

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[info]firelle
2009-05-08 08:22 pm UTC (link)
mine or yours? XDD or both? X3

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[info]baka_oni_ri
2009-05-08 08:27 pm UTC (link)
yours... both xD

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