Current mood:	pessimistic
Current music:	Guano Apes - Maria
Entry tags:	emo

[emo.]
I realised I have no friends close to me to talk to or to hang out with or those I want to hang out with. No one I could call really mine. It's freaking lonely. And it's most likely mostly my fault.

i almost copied it from someone and that someone should know. i'm sorry, i probably shouldn't but it's just what i thought 30 minutes before reading your entry. it's like you wrote what i was thinking so i let myself copy it.

it's my and their fault. i didn't stop them when they became uninterested in me and i didn't stop myself from running away. what's worse i'm unable to start anything. i'm scared, scared. i get something big in my throat, i'm frozen and i just feel like no one wants me so i shouldn't push myself on anyone. in real life, internet life. there's probably just one person who hasn't given up on me yet. lately i thought i started something again, in my awkward, ambiguous way but... i guess it was one-sided. or my signals are even smaller than i thought. at home, at home, at home. no money, no possibilities, nothing.

i'm alone and i will be until someone captures me. or until i learn how to show other people that i care.

but they don't care about me. just trivial talks. whatever i do it doesn't change.


fuck it. whatever. maybe it's damn better that i have SM. will have excuse to be shut up at home.



world, go and fuck yourself if you find joy in creating useless people like me, always unable to change.