[babe, did you forget to take your meds?]
i spent the whole day being buy but did nothing. WTF? i only translated like 20 questions. i need to.. i dunno. DUNNO XD

so i'm free from doctors, examinations, lublin, etc till the half of july. then i need to call my new doctor, i'll have second MRI (because i have some actively spreading damages in brain and they need to know if they stop, spread more or if there's another places with it. it feels funny to sit and write that my brain is damaged, LOL.). i'll have to lie in the hospital for a few days too in order to get my cerebrospinal fluid checked. since it's painful (?) i'll have to stay there. in spsk4, lublin. i'm becoming familiar with that place, hohooo. so generally: still waiting for final diagnose, doing examinations to prove SM, trying to get into some program and nothing else.

1. can't work because my hands aren't as stable as they used to, same for legs. besides i never know when i'l have to got to doctor/hospy/etc so no work for me. just translating.
2. can't go out because it's FUCKING hot. and, as i've learnt, sun makes SM stronger. so it's me hating the sun and no sun because of my health. no complaints here.
3. no alcohol for me. because i'm losing my balance.
4. today i felt better SM-wise \o
5. my right knee is showing me that it's a bitch. hurts so much in the mornings i can't move my leg. i guess, between taking care of SM, i'll force myself on some doctor and REQUEST an operation. how can i wear short skirts when all i can do is to BEND and show my PANTS? oz.
6. mom started to drink again. went to zamość yesterday and found her dead drunk. knew it, she didn't pick up my phone/answer my mails. it's pissing me off because i WORRY. i cannot NOT worry. she lost her job too. where will she get money from? what about rent? food? grandma... omg, i feel so sorry for grandma, she's old, sick and her daughter is fucked up. she says she'll kick her out next time she comes but we all know she won't - fucking blood ties are FUCKING. i really wish i couldn't just act like my mother is not my mother. i want to cut all my ties with her. i wish she'd go somewhere and live happily and leave us, her family, alone. because we worry, it's biological nd it kills us slowly.
7. linked to the problem above is... money. second idiot: my father. he's so carefree and jazz and his disability pension is ending yet he hasn't been to hospital, doctors, anything. they WON'T renew it. where will w get money for living? bats me. i can't work, he can't work, my mother is a lost cause, my grandma #1 is sick, she barely remembers anything, my grandmother #2 is sick with problems and hear health, she has to cover living expenses... i don't know, i just don't know. and my treatment, medicine... it costs. and i'll never be cured. it'll always cost. I JUST DON'T KNOW.

i have some pictures to post but... tomorrow. and tomorrow and day after we're waterless. IN THIS HEAT. seriously, god is playing with me. if he's as mean as i think he'll do everything so that i won't go to jazz festival in zamość next week. and i was looking forward to go alone, sit alone, listen to the music, just enjoy. and emo. EMOOOO.

01. Make a list of 5 jobs that you'd like to have or try:
1. traveler reporter? hell, i dunno how it's called; you travel around the world for free and make documentaries about it. WIN.
2. academic teacher (yessss)
3. writer.
4. designer of any sort: clothes, interior, posters, websites, etc.
5. actress.

02. What's the weather like now?
HOT, humid, deadly.

03. What kind of magazines do you read?
none atm, used to read Przekrój, Film and Nowa Fantastyka.

04. What's your occupation?
student, teacher, translator (????)

05. Do you nap a lot?
only if it can save my life - almost never. i feel 100 times worse after doing it.

06. Who is your newest celebrity crush?
none, i don't watch tv/movies much. i came back to CSI recently so probably EVERYONE from there.

07. What's your current fandom/obsession/addiction?
RO. stupid, stupid game. it ate my life. i find SLASH there so it's all the better </stupid>

08. What are you listening to right now?
*boing boing* by saplings and sound of other players' skills, lol.

09. What food could you eat every day for weeks and not get sick of?
rice.

10. What websites do you always visit when you go online?
aarin, twitter, LJ, nipponsei, manga-updates, anime-updates, baka-updates, aniDB; before RO: newsweek, inna.pl, gazeta.pl, rzeczpospolita, ACP, ANN.

11. What was the last thing you bought?
food, lol. PADS <3 XD

12. What was the cutest thing you've seen today?
my male cat curled up on my chair, right after i woke u which means he had to go through balcony <3

13. Does the weather affect your mood?
yes, i can't stand sun and i tend to get sleepy when it's gloomy (not always).

14. What is your zodiac sign?
cancer.

15. Do you want to learn another language?
YES. i speak polish, english (but it's so imperfect it makes me cry), understand german but cannot talk/write and i get bits of japanese (spoken). so this is my priority. SOMEDAY i want to learn french and chinese.

16. What's something you wish you had?
money. to anyone who says they don't give happiness: fuck off, fucking idiot. they are way to get anything, health, security, EVERYTHING.

17. Do you have any siblings?
no.

18. What's something you'd like to say to someone right now?
to dad: stop talking shit when you see it don't care? thx.

19. What are you looking forward to?
graduating, starting master studies, moving out. smth quicker: becoming strong in ro? XD;

20. What is something that you hated as a kid but like now?
pudding, lol.

ps. I'M A THRID YEARS STUDENT NOW. OFICIALLY. YES. YESSSSSSSS.